Death is Not Dying

I just discovered this video today and it was right at a moment I needed it. I needed to be reassured that despite cancer being outside of my plans for my 33 year old wife, God is firmly in control.

It’s the wonderful testimony of a Rachel Barkley — a 38-year-old mom of 2 — gave in March after finding out she had terminal cancer. Rachel died Monday.

From deathisnotdying.com:

But for Rachel the essence of life is found in her relationship with God through Jesus. And that’s why Rachel is convinced that death is not dying.

On March 4, 2009, what started out as a small talk to a women’s group at her church grew into an event attended by 600 women from around Vancouver, giving Rachel an opportunity to share about her hope in the midst of terminal cancer.

Rachel’s honest and thought-provoking talk touched women of all ages and left a hunger for discovering more about Rachel’s journey and the faith that has so deeply affected her life.

It’s long — almost an hour. But it’s the best hour I’ve spent this week. I encourage you to take the time to watch it if at all possible: Death is not Dying by Rachel Barkley on Vimeo (wouldn’t let me embed it).

MRI

Today was the next step in the testing process. Holly went in the morning for a specialized breast MRI. What we thought was routine, turned out to be we were at one of only a few in the Dallas area. Evidently, lots of women want to be able to get this test done, but it’s not covered by all insurance. Thankfully, there was no issue with ours.

It was the third time we had been at the Sue A. de Mille Women’s Diagnostic Center at Plano Presbyterian Hospital. Holly has has every test run that they offer there (except a bone density which she shouldn’t need for a long time). The staff has been amazing — a true blessing have been sent there by our doctor.

That said, the test was pretty scary. This MRI is louder than normal — lots of pounding, popping — all while you are facing face down. At least nothing needed cut open, and there were no big needles for this test.

We didn’t get any results from the MRI. Since it’s so specialized, only a few radiologists can read it. Also, it takes a lot more pictures than a normal MRI, so it takes a while to analyze. The end result is, we won’t know any more until Monday or Tuesday.

Emotionally, we are pretty raw. We find the grief comes in waves, caused by the most random things. It might be looking at the beautiful faces of our kids, or even trying to make the smallest plan for the future. we’re trying to take it one day (sometimes one hour, or one minute) at a time.

We’ve had great support from family, friends, and church. We don’t know what’s next but we do know God is good and that He has a great purpose in all this. A friend sent this, and it has been great comfort:

There is nothing—absolutely no circumstance, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him, and I accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, and I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is. That is the rest of victory. –Dr. Alan Redpath